Redirecting

I recently realized something. I am happy with who I am. With my body. With me. No, I am most certainly not perfect. Obviously. There will always be room for improvement physically. But for right now, in this time of my life, I am content.

This is not me "giving up" on my goal or anything like that. This is me finally realizing that I am more than what I look like. That I don't want to be on a "weight loss journey," but simply, a life-living journey. If that makes any sense at all. Because life itself is a journey. And I want to live my life to the most ultimate full that I possibly can. Without having to worry about or wonder what meal is coming next. What I'm going to eat or not eat, and how that will affect the way I feel about myself. Or how much exercise I must force upon myself so that I don't feel guilty for eating. Because it's just. not. fun. Not really. And I ask myself, how is losing weight benefitting anyone else but me? It's not. So why am I doing this to myself. I don't want to do things that only benefit me. How selfish. I don't want to be selfish. No way.

I've bought into the idea, along with most women, that I need to look a certain way to be beautiful. When truly, beauty is who you are. Beauty is your inner light. Your inner joy. Beauty is the personification of love. Beauty is loving others the way that Jesus loved. Loving from the depths of His heart and completely unconditionally.

So I have decided to remove my focus from fixing up my outward self and redirect it towards my inner self. I want my life to be important. I want to live my life full of meaningful purpose. I want to fix all of the ugly, disgusting sins that plague my heart and I want to transform my life. Really and truly. The only way that I know how to do that is through Jesus and His obvious demonstration of love for us all.

Romans 5:8 NIV
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Learning and Pencil Drawings: Day 53

"Learning is never a bad thing. And neither is changing your mind about things... It's always good to reevaluate. To think and consider all sides."
                        -Things I Can't Forget by Miranda Kenneally

Food Intake
Life Cereal and Milk - 4
Cheese and Crackers - 10
Carrots and Hummus - 4
Apples
Lucky Charms - 2
Graham Crackers and Milk - 8
Tortilla, Refried Beans, and Cheese - 6

Exercise
None

I drew this on the table paper when we ate at Macaroni Grill for Bevon's going away party. I just came across it and wanted to post it up here for fun. If you can't read the words, it says, "Hello. I'm Charlie! This is my turtle, Ty!" Don't ask. Just go with it.

I drew these two the other day.

Optimus Prime action figure.

One of the boys in my class as a super hero.

Lucky Charms Ice Cream: Day 52

Pains in my stomach sides and back. Playing with the kids help me forget the pain for a little while. It hides mildly. But it's still there. Threatening to worsen. Thankfully my medicine kicked in by the afternoon, so my pain slowly melted away. Which was nice.

I just finished another book about 20 minutes ago. So I grabbed my phone to log it. And saw a text from my friend. Asking me if I was reading The Great Gatsby. I told her I'd literally just finished the book I was reading and that I'd better get started on it. She's about halfway through already. I guess I need to catch up!

Food Intake
Lucky Charms - 4
Bacon Eggs and Rice - 4
Bread Butter Jelly - 3
Water
Manapua - 12
Graham Crackers and Milk - 8
Life Cereal and Milk - 4
Chips - 4
Mini Chips Ahoy - 4

Exercise
None

So I was google-ing pictures of Lucky Charms to put down in this area, because you know I love me some Lucky Charms. I've been eating them practically every day. Then I came across the most magical recipe for... drumroll please...

Lucky Charms Ice Cream!!!

Click on those magically colored letters above to see the amazing recipe from We Are Not Martha.

Yes, please!

Iron Man 3: Day 51

Aah! There are cockroaches everywhere in our house! Huge-normous ones! Gross!!! Kaleo the Cockroach Slayer! Haha. But seriously, they freak me out!

Just got home from our Sunday fun day. Church was great. Our current series of lessons is called "Stressbusters." He talked about not worrying. If you fully trust God with your life, then you won't worry. Leave all of your troubles in God's largely more than capable hands. He will handle them. Very comforting. But sometimes very hard to do.

Kaleo, Miss Gayle, and I had a lovely girls day after church. We ate lunch at Dave-n-Busters. Bar Burgers. Yum. Played a game or two while we waited for the theater to let us in. When we tried to go in earlier, the ticket collector told us they weren't letting anyone in yet and to come back later. When we got back from the fun games, we had to wait in line for about 45 minutes. No biggie. We got great sets. You know how we do. Railing. Middle. Oh yeah.

Iron Man 3 was, for me, the best movie of the year so far. I absolutely loved it. So good! My favorite line from the movie was, "Mom, I gotta go. Something magical is happening." It was so funny. The movie was brilliant. I knew it was going to be goo. I mean, it's Iron Man, duh. But I didn't know it was going to be this good. I loved so many little things. The little boy. All of his rambling questions. "Remember what I told you about bullies?" The Mandarin. The army of different suits. Monkeys in a barrel. Pepper taking out that guy. "So violent." The "fireworks," although that was a little sad. The end after all of the credits. That's all I can say while keeping it pretty much spoiler free.

Food Intake
Water
Lucky Charms (3 pts)
Water
Bar Burgers and Sweet Potato Fries (20 pts)
McD's Ice Cream Cone (4 pts)
Ritz Bits (4 pts)
Manapua (10 pts)
Mini Chips Ahoy (5 pts)

Exercise
None

Lunch and a movie :)

Waiting in line...

National Scrapbooking Day: Day 50

Happy National Scrapbooking Day! Aw yeah, son! Aw yeah!

Spent a few hours last night writing songs. Oh how I've missed that. It's one of my favorite things to do. Very calming. It helps me to focus. Release. Bring it back in. It makes me happy. Which caused me to just miss my guitar even more. It's back in Ohio, safe with a friend. But I want it back. So I'm going to have it shipped back to me. I miss you my friend, my guitar. I wish I had never left it behind. But I did. And now I want it back.

My tooth hurts when I chew an apple. But I need to chew the apple. What to do.

Went walking this afternoon. I took a picture of the view. I'm a lucky girl.

Since my weekly goal is to try and keep track of points, that's what's listed in the parenthesis next to my food intake items down below.

Food intake
Lucky Charms and Milk (6 pts)
Water (0 pts)
Apple (0 pts)
Garbanzo Beans (3 pts)
Cheese and Crackers (6 pts)
Water (0 pts)
Refried Beans and Chips (6 pts)
Water (0 pts)
Lucky Charms and Milk (5 pts)
Chips (4 pts)
Tortilla with Cheese (3 pts)
Mini Chips Ahoy (8 pts)

Exercise
Walking with two 5lb weights (40 min)

I love this cover of Imagine Dragons' Radioactive done by Lindsey Stirling and Pentatonix. It's so sick! It think you'll love it too.

Point Everything

I haven't had a weekly goal in, like, forever. So I decided, last night, that it was high time that I did. This week's goal is to keep tabs on everything I eat - point style. Yes, that's right. Good 'ol Weight Watchers points. My goal is to do the best I can at keeping track of the points of everything that I eat. Mind you, I'm not on Weight Watchers anymore, so it might be tricky to get the points exactly right, but the goal is to try. And try I will

Keyboard: Day 49

I got my AA batteries! Hooray! I still need to go get a huge thing of Costco batteries soon. So this NEVER happens again. I strongly dislike being without batteries. And I really love my keyboard. I don't like those new thin ones they have at Apple. I like this one. Nice and sturdy. Keys that make that lovely typing noise when my fingers glide across. I don't want to have to buy a new one because I like this one. Yes. I'm weird.

So I think my keyboard is broken. Or maybe these batteries are defective. I didn't actually buy them. Someone gave them to me. But what a bummer. So I'm back to blogging from my phone currently. Until I fix my keyboard sitch. Hrmph.

I spent two and a half hours at Ross, and I only bought two things! And they are both cardigan/cover-up-thingys! Haha. So crazy am I. I tried on so many dresses and tops, and I liked most of them. But in the end, it came down to the question, "do I r e al ly want this?" And alas, my answer was no. So back on the racks they went. I had a gift card, so I ended up not having to spend any of my hard earned dollars. Whoohoo! Success! Haha. Just kidding. But seriously, I've been looking for white or off-white cardigan/cover-up-thingys for a while now. I have a black ones mostly, but black doesn't look very cute over a Springtime dress. No sir. So I'm excited to have found two I love. One casual, and one a bit fancier. So I'm all set.

I finished another book. It inspired me to write a song. So that's what I'm going to do.

Food Intake
Lucky Charms and Milk
Water
Carrots
Manapua
Chips
Cheese
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Milk
Teddy Grahams
Granola Bar
Bean and Cheese Burrito

Exercise
None

See! Look at that beauty!

Miss Gayle left me a present in my locker!

Thank you!

AA Batteries and Potions: Day 48

Okay, so I need some AA batteries right now. My keyboard for my computer won't work. Because it is dead and needs to be revived. With four AA batteries. I am using my mom's laptop right now so that I can blog. Thanks mom. Haha. She's at the gym with my sister right now.

Okay. Down below is the music video for Popular Song by MIKA ft. Ariana Grande. And I most absolutely love it! Watch it. You'll love it too! I was already in love with this song, but this music video is beyond. It's so fun. Oh, MIKA, you are magic. Ariana Grande is just so cute. Her innocence makes this video. That's why you gotta be careful how you treat people... you never know who's able to make a magical poisonous potion. Haha.

Tuesday, May 14th, So You Think You Can Dance is back!!!!! So excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Food Intake
Lucky Charms and Milk
Manapua
Spring Roll
Rice Cake
Water
Panda Express Plate
Animal Crackers
Graham Crackers and Milk
Life Cereal
Water
Granola Bar
Manapua
Mini Chips Ahoy

Exercise
Hot Yoga (75 min)

This is Lily Joy.

One of my characters that I love to draw.

Or in this case, finger paint!

 

Popular :) 

 

Be nice to everyone and have a great day!

Fathers: Day 47

Happy Uno de Mayo! Haha.

Okay. So the other night I has a crazy dream. Very weird because I haven't had any dreams in quite as while. Which is weird because I am a dreamer. I usually have dreams every night. Vivid dreams that I fully remember when I wake up. But for some reason, I haven't had any lately. Until the other night that is. It took place on Halloween and there were horror/thriller-movie-like things happening, that I saw but wasn't necessarily apart of. It was at a parade. I saw it happen. It being the horror, whatever it was (I forget exactly what it was now.) And I ran away scared. He came running after me, and put his arm around me to see if I was okay. To check on me. Because he had seen me. Because he cared. I hugged him, my fear dissipating. I don't remember everything or anything else other than the feeling that someone was there for me. Someone cared. And you know, sometimes that's all you need. Someone who will be there for you. Who knows how to make you feel better when you're down. Someone to hold you. Safe. Love.

As you may or may not know, my parents are getting a divorce. Part of the process involves making sure the children will be alright (or as alright as they can be.) Tonight my mom, dad, and two younger sisters went to some thing called Kids First where they watched a video ? talked ? or something like that. My people here are sleeping as I type away. I was at church tonight and just got home as I began this post. So because of their sleeping state, I do not know the details of what went down. Hence the scattered question marks. I don't know how I feel about not being there. One one hand, I sooo did not want to go. It didn't sound fun to me. And I wasn't asked to attend. On the other hand, I wonder if it would have benefitted me or my family if I had gone. Who knows? Not me. I don't even know what happened. And to tell you the truth, I haven't spoken to my dad in a while. Not since he hung up on me as I was crying my feelings to him about things he obviously did not want to hear. And I am not sure if I am ready to talk to him. Or see him. idon'tknowidon'tknowidon'tknow. But whatever the case I wasn't there. Crazily enough, tonight's topic for Women's Midweek (church,) was on Roles. We watched a video from the 33 Series. Which is a journey to authentic manhood as modeled by Jesus in His 33 years on earth. I'll put a trailer down below so you can see what the series is about. The men in our church have been studying it out, so tonight we got to see a little bit of it through a video. I would put that video here, but I can't find it on the internet. Bummer. It was really good. It talked about the different things throughout history, that has shaped men of today. After watching it, we went on to talk a little bit about fatherlessness. Brief points were shared from the book Faltherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem by David Blankenhorn. "The most important absence our society must confront is not the absence of fathers, but the absence of our belief in fathers." That hit me right there. It made me think how powerful hurt can be. How hurt can cause the hardening of hearts. How we can put up a wall. Block ourselves in. Safe. You can't touch me. So you can't hurt me. And believing that it's okay, that I'm okay. When I may not be. Absence of the belief in fathers. That they don't matter. When they completely do. A good father, who is there to teach his children, who is there for his children, is so important. And the absence of him (or the un-goodness of him) can be detrimental to a child, that may cause problems unforeseen down the road. That's why I have such strong feelings on the importance of a God-loving man for a husband. Love God. Love me. Love our kids. And act accordingly. I want that. I do. I know how important a good father is for his children. And I sincerely want that for my children. It's one of my dreams. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my dad. I do. Even through all of the bad stuff. It just gets hard sometimes. Life, you know. But I will always love him. He's my dad. And even though I haven't spoken to him in a while, I still have the desire to strengthen my relationship with him. Someday.

Well that's all that I have for now. I could go on and on. I have a raging wave of thoughts on many matters, rushing around in my head right now, but I am going to stop. But I'll be back soon. Tomorrow.  But tonight, I need me some sleep. Too many thoughts often hurts my head. Goodnight!

Food Intake

Lucky Charms and Milk

Cheese and Crackers

Water

Oranges

Chicken and Rice

Pizza

Water

Panda Express Plate

Mini Nutter Butters

Exercise

None

Veggies! There Miss Gayle, I ate my veggies. :)

Excelsior: Day 46

It's that time of the week again. Library time! I got ump-teen books today. Most of them for Kaleo. Due to the fact that I created a monster and she finishes books like a racehorse now. But I did get some for me, of course. When I got home I went walking for about an hour, whilst doing arm exercises with weights. I walked on the beach for a cool down. There's some pictures down below. I watched Silver Linings Playbook with my sister tonight. Ooh, I liked that movie. I love Jennifer Lawrence. She's amazing.

Food Intake
Lucky Charms
Milk
Animal Crackers
Water
Pizza
Carrots
Chicken Sandwich
Orange
Water
Mini Chips Ahoy
Milk
Life Cereal
Cheese and Crackers

Exercise
Walking with two 5lb weights (60 min)

That right there was my favorite line.

Teehee.

iHeartRADIO: Day 45

I have juice dribbling down my chin and fingers from the juicy orange I am currently consuming. Yummmmm...

Hey You-know-who-you-are, I missed you at work today. I greatly look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Yay hey! And thank you so very much for reading by blogs. The only one who reads my blogs. Every. Single. One. of them. Thank you. I makes me happy. I love you!

Another thing I miss about Ohio are the radio stations. I am currently listening to iHeartRADIO on my phone. Akron 98.1 WKDD. One of my favorite stations. I love this app! :)

Ooh! My song just came on! Ho Hey! :) See... I love iHeartRADIO. Ha, I heart iHeartRADIO.

"I belong with you.

You belong with me.

You're my sweetheart."

Food Intake
Apple
Granola Bar
Animal Crackers
Water
Cheese and Crackers
Pizza
Water
Graham Crackers
Milk
Chicken Noodle Soup w/ Cheese
Orange

Exercise
None

Hula Performance: Day 44

Church! HOPE. There's hope for everyone. FORGIVE. Everyone can be forgiven. LOVE. Everyone can be loved. I can't do it on my own. The Merrie Monarch winners performed at service today. Awesome Chinky! Beautiful. Ohana group lunch after service. Yum. Yum.

My gym from Ohio called me today offering me a complimentary day pass. I sadly told them I don't live there anymore, otherwise I would love it. Actually, I would still be a member there had I not left. I miss my gym. I really miss it. It was the best. Lifetime Fitness. Oh I miss it so bad! So bad!

Movies with mom and Gayle. The Big Wedding. Pretty funny. I was laughing a lot.

Currently singing Elvis Presley's Burning Love...

My fingers hurt.

Food Intake
Fried Rice
Steak
Cornbread

BBQ Chicken Salad
Muddy Buddies
Chocolate Chip Cookies
McD's Ice Cream Cone

Exercise
None

Someone to Talk to: Day 43

My sister and I spent the entire morning reading books. Her on her bed. Me on the couch. Reading. Laughing. With the heart of the day swirling around us. Fans set to the highest setting. Not enough. Not caring too much. Because we were reading. Off in another world.

When it got too hot, we decided to head to the beach. Barefoot I walked. Sunny day. Cold water. Feeling good. Kaleo and I talked about the books we've been reading. TV shows we watch. I love having someone who is reading the same books as I am. I love talking about books. So to have someone who has actually read them, and we can have discussions and such is very fun for me. I love it. Someone to talk to. It's one of my favorite parts of reading. Being able to discuss each other's likes and dislikes. How we loved the ending. How we wished it ended differently. Falling in love with fictional characters. Joyful bliss. And love.

Then I did some guitar playing and singing. Undermine. So possibly I will have a new video up on YouTube soon.

Had a girls night with my friends. Did a follow up bible study, then went up Diamond Head and looked at the beautiful island in the night. Gorgeous. And of course. My favorite part of girls night. Girl talk! :)

Food Intake
Cheese and Crackers
Chicken Pot Pie
Smoothie
(Other stuff)

Exercise
None

Undermine: Day 42

So as you may have noticed, I haven't been doing a great job of keeping track of my food and such. But it's because. Um. I don't know. I'm human?

Food Intake
(food)

Exercise
None

You know how I mentioned I've been watching Nashville? Well, I'm in love with the song Undermine. It was first seen in the second episode, and I fell in love when she sang, "It's all talk, talk, talk, talking in the wind. It only slows you down when you start listening." So I YouTubed it and found out that it's Kacey Musgraves' song. And it's been on replay. This is it. Right down there. Watch it :)

Here's the clip from the episode it first appeared in.

Where I fell in love.

Singing it all day. ALL DAY. Did cups to it. Playin' it on guitar. Love it.

5LL: Day 41

Been listening to an audiobook on my phone called The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively by Gary Chapman. I've been wanting to work on my relationship with my sisters and I figured it couldn't hurt to listen to this. It's been very helpful and though-provoking. It's also making me scared for when my children (future children) are teenagers. Scary. Haha

Food Intake
Granola Bar
Water
Graham Crackers
Milk
Rice, Chicken, Cheese
Chips and Dip
Apple
Orange
Macaroni Grill Leftovers
Almonds

Exercise
Walking 30 min
Washing with two 5lb weights 30 min

This is the cover.

Nashville: Day 40

Just started watching Nashville. I only saw videos on YouTube of Lennon and Maisy singing on it, and recently I've been extra-loving of Lennon and Maisy. They are amazing. And it because of them that I have started watching Nashville. I'm excited to see it evolve and watch their performances :)

Food Intake
(lots of stuff)

Exercise
None

Love them. So good!

Books and Possibilities: Day 39

I finished two books yesterday. One of them being The Help by Kathryn Stockett, which I will probably do a separate post about because I loved it so much. Today I went to the library to get even more books. I love books. sigh.

My sister has been reading tons of books lately as well. I pick up a bunch from the library I've read and think she'll love. She reads them. And yes, loves them. She's becoming like me. In my need to read. It's pretty awesome. She even started logging the books she reads. Not in the crazy obsessive way that I do it (in my planner, with dates and times and places,) obviously, but just writing them down on a piece of paper. Next I have to work on my youngest sister. She is so not a reader. But hey. Anything is possible right.

Food Intake
(lots of things)

Exercise
None

Going Away: Day 38

Home from Bevon's going away party. I am so sad that he is moving. But I know that this is going to be awesome for him. We had dinner at Macaroni Grill. I think that was my first time ever eating there. It was delicious. Yum. Yum.

Food Intake
Granola Bar
Cheese and Crackers
Water
Pizza
Muddy Buddys
Animal Crackers
Water
Macaroni Grill - Mushroom Ravioli, Chicken Under a Brick, Spinach
McD's - Ice Cream Cone, Blueberry Pie

Exercise
None

Oblivion: Day 37

Oblivion. The state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening. The state of being forgotten, esp. by the public. [Google definition.]

After church, we went to lunch and the movies. Oblivion. Looking at that definition, I think, yes, that's exactly what's going on in that movie. He is most certainly in a state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening... and then some. I quite liked that movie. I'll admit I was a bit confused in the beginning. But I understood everything by the end of it. Such an interesting concept for sure.

Food Intake
Granola Bars
Water
Dave 'n Busters - Bar Burgers and Fries
Vanilla Dibbs
Muddy Buddys
Water
Chicken Sandwich
Mozzarella Cheese Sticks
Fudge Stripe Cookies

Exercise
None

Women's Day: Day 36

Yay! Yay! Yay! Today was Women's Day! It was so much fun. It was the best Women's Day ever! :) Ooh, and I love the photo booth. Everything was so beautiful. Pictures below...

Right now, I'm playing my guitar and singing some songs. And blogging of course. Duh.

Food Intake
Fruit
Eggs
Bacon
Hash Browns
Water
Mini Chocolate Cupcake
Zippy's - Chili w/ Rice and Cheese, Fries, Korean Fried Chicken
Nestle Tollhouse Ice Cream Sandwich
Chicken Pot Pie
Doritos

Exercise
None

Beautiful centerpieces made with tissue paper

Decorations

The stage

Program

Cute favor!

Breakfast fruit and mini cupcakes

I won two prizes!

Me :)

Me and my sister, Kaleo!

She's wearing my dress :)